Blame it on the retrograde

It has not been a good nor productive week, none of my projects have advanced,

none of my websites have progressed and I have not been applying to any jobs.

So this has been a black week. My JS projects, I did nothing to improve my knowledge,

my C# projects on hold. My applications lay dormant, ready to be complited and sent.

I cant help but wonder, its all for naught, imposter symdrome is catching up to me.

My own feelings are turning to make me feel inadequate, I am tired of telling recruiters the same

story; I am looking for a company to take me in and give me the confidense and time to shine. To showcase

what I am made of.

So what happened you ask? My last entry was the promising shining week of opportunity. So what happened? Well,

the safety net came back and said no. So let me delve deeper into my story a bit; I quit my role as an IT Analyst

back in Nov 2018. My hope was to transition into a software developer role. After all, that was my major way back in 2015.

Just as a teenager going into the world of work, this world is everchanging and highly competitive.

My skills of OOP, UX design, AI and all the classes I took now seemed a thing of the past and the struggle was to play catch up.

So I took a year off, a year to train and learn to be part of a cycle of applying and getting rejected for simply not having the

experience. In the meantime to feed myself, I became a freelancer, an IT consultant and a dishwasher. All in vain as I continue the

cycle. Last week, was a time to rejoice as I finally caught a break.

Im not trying to be a downer, I just feel a little defeated and as I write my thoughts, in the hopes that in the future I can look back on them;

having completed my goals. So this is a sort of therapy, a diary to help me keep my struggles and triumphs. In a way it keeps me motiviated.

As I write this I am remembering why those never take the path less traveled. Because if the path was easy, everone would take it. Everyone would

have books about their success.

Yet, one can't feel for other in this position, I gambled all of my savings, all of my time to this pursuit. I am now looking to ask help from the

gov or face going to a temp job because I have no food. I can barely pay rent, so you can see why I am freaking out a little. So to those who find

this, to those who are experiencing the same. To those who are following their dreams. Keep fighting. After all, it will be worth it in the end.

all this struggle will be for naught, we will learn from all these failures. So as I tell myself, and hopefully it reaches others. Keep the faith.

Keep that faith in yourself.

So with that I leave on a note; I will gather all the motivation I can muster, i will keep going and keep my chin up after all. We all experience

falls, but its how we get up and continue to fight that really matters. So guys, and really myself; keep going. Keep fighting, one day this will

become a sweet memory to reminisce as you climb to the top. So enjoy the storm as well as the calming after or before. Your pick, you have

conquered so much, and yet more still to conquer. Good luck, Guillermo. From past Guillermo.

‍